I never thought we would get here. I still remember trying to plan our gender reveal last year. Christian an I were sitting in a coffee shop and were thinking of fun ideas. I was so excited, and then, shortly after, we were faced with the worst news we could possibly imagine. A miscarriage. That meant everything changed. No more gender reveal plans, no more imagining holding my that baby, no more smiles for a while and having to tell the girls our plans suddenly took a turn.
After that we had three more losses. I couldn't even think about a gender reveal let alone the gender of the baby. I stopped thinking about names, I stopped imagining holding a new baby, MY new baby in my arms. And then suddenly, after regaining some hope for this last transfer it happened. My rainbow baby, our miracle surprised us.
So many of you had asked me if I knew the gender of the baby. The answer is no. Ever since our first loss I found that not knowing the gender of our embryos made me feel slightly less attached. So we never find out until after a loss. I usually wait a couple of weeks and then we ask. To be honest, it doesn't make anything easier but we honestly have never cared what the gender is, we always asked the doctor to transfer the healthiest embryo, the one we thought we would have a stronger chance with.
So here we are, you guys, its a GIRL!! I am so excited and so happy to be able to share this with you. The girls, Nick and I could not me more thankful and feel so lucky to be adding another beautiful little princess to the family.
Honestly I still have major anxiety. I was so worried that we would be celebrating and something would be wrong with the baby that I booked a last minute ultrasound (in a boutique location) to make sure the baby was ok. It's so sad that the first thing that runs through my mind when we are about to celebrate anything related to this pregnancy is a big WHAT IF. Thankfully we laid that to rest (for a few days) and got to see our baby the day before finding out it's gender. Pregnancy after loss, after years of IVF is such a mind F*&k!
OK gender reveal!......
First of all I wanted to thank my amazing friend Christian who threw the whole gender reveal on his own. It was beyond perfect and more than anything any of us could have imagined let alone asked for. The attention to detail was immaculate and the love he exuded with every little napkin, champagne bottle, balloon, cake detail and of course reveal makes my heart smile and makes me well up in tears. How do we deserve this? This little girl is already so loved!
As we pulled up to Christians house, we saw blue and pink balloons tied tot he gate. My heart melted and I couldn't believe it was happening. As we walked inside I felt like I was in a punked episode, like someone was going to come out and say just kidding! It was beautiful! He had blue balloons on one side and pink on the other. He set up a table with blue and pink champagne bottles, pink and blue straws (paper of course), pink and blue cookies and macaroons and of course the most beautiful cake I've ever seen. He also set up some little glass milk bottles for people to use for water or drinks and of course so much yummy food.
There was a kids table you guys! So that my girls and my best friend's boys could color and make slime! Then there were what seemed like hundreds of balloons all over. It was a scene from a magazine I kid you not! I mean should I pass out his information? Because I think he should be a party planner.
Because of this wonderful pandemic we are in we could only invite a handful of people. I actually waited until this past weekend because I wanted things to calm down a little bit. Thankfully things have and we have been able to see our closest friends (who also live in our little city and haven't left and who have been quarantining like we have) for the past couple of weeks. Basically we have been only seeing each other so we knew we could be safe with those couples for this little gathering. It was so hard not being able to invite more friends and all of our family but we know we will get to celebrate with everyone soon. And we knew we were very lucky to have the few close friends that we did to be there with us. These people have been there for us/me since I started IVF. They've seen me at my worst, they've lifted me up, they've made me work out, they've taken me out to dinner, picked me up from the hospital when Nick was out of town after an egg retrieval. They've taken my girls to and from school so that I could go into surgery or make a doctors appointment or a transfer. They've been my rocks and I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without them.
So after thanking them all for supporting me, supporting us through these past years it was time! The girls were so excited because Christian had gotten them each a little canon that was going to shoot out confetti with the gender specific color! We started the countdown...5, 4, 3, 2, 1,....PINK!!!
I KNEW IT!!! We were so excited. Then of course Eliana's popper didnt go off, so we had to do it again haha. But why not, it was exciting for the second time too (that's twin life for you). We all cheered. THE GIRLS WERE EXTATIC And if you listen closely to the video you can hear Natalia say "Oh thank goodness" haha so we know what she was hoping for.
After that we cut the cake. He had made the inside frosting PINK! More details...and it was delicious of course. The kids played and we couldn't stop smiling.
This was one of the best days I've had in a very long time. Withe everything going on, we felt normal, we felt like we have a normal pregnancy. We were with our closest friends, we could finally feel a little sense of relief (for that day because well my anxiety doesn't go away) and we really enjoyed ourselves.
This journey has been hard. In fact, its been one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life if not the hardest. Its taught me a lot about myself, its changed me for the better (most days), it's made me realize who my true friends are, who is there for me, for us as a family. It's changed Nick and I for the better, we've never been closer or stronger as a couple. It's changed my girls, they've matured and Ive seen them become strong little girls amongst a lot of sadness. It's been challenging, draining, exhausting, and yet here I am. Im scared to write "we did it" because we are barely halfway there, but every day feels a little closer to being able to meet this baby girl.
So thank you again to you all for reading this, for Christian for gifting us the most amazing day, for all of our friends who have supported us and celebrated with us, thank you. Thank you for letting us feel normal, for making our pregnancy finally feel like it can and should be celebrated, and while this road has never been the typical "normal" way to get pregnant, its been our journey and this was the perfect way to celebrate that.