Hi guys! So I have been getting a few questions for Nick, so I thought it was a good opportunity to compile them all and let him answer for you all! Like most, he follows the "short and sweet" responses (unlike his wife). So its a quick read but a good one especially for those partners' that might be feeling overwhelmed or have questions. Here you go!
Please share a bit about yourself
I am 40 years old and am the founder and CEO of a tech-enabled logistics start up, Airspace Technologies. My business is 24/7 so I am working around the clock to help manage/grow the company. When I am not working I am spending time with my twin 8 year old girls and my beautiful wife. I am born and raised here in San Diego and Rubios is my favorite place to eat. I love to travel and play soccer and my favorite food is anything with avocado.
What has been the most challenging thing about IVF?
Watching my wife (Erin) go through all the ups and downs and really not being able to help her. I try to be there for her emotionally but I like to fix things and this is completely out of my control.
How have you coped with the stress?
I tend to try to focus on other things (mainly work) to try not to think about it too much. Going on walks and working out help me a lot too. I also like to get away when we have "breaks" in our treatment schedules especially after negative results.
How do you handle all of the loss that IVF has brought you?
Erin and I are a team, so we use each other to support one another. Its not easy, but focusing on the future makes it easier for me. I try to remind myself, and Erin, that we will get that baby and the loss of our embryos is just part of this journey unfortunately.
How have you shown support to Erin?
Mostly being there for her and listening to her when she is worried. During the week, its very hard due to my work schedule, but on the weekends we make sure we go on walks and talk to each other so that we understand what we are going through together. I also try to attend any doctors appointments and scans that she wants me to be at. The emotional support is the only thing I can really control I suppose.
What has been something you’ve learned through all this?
I've learned how hard it is for a woman to get pregnant! I always knew that hard work pays off in the end, but this is another ball game. I definitely have learned that IVF and infertility is not easy but I do know it can work. Also, Erin and I have never been stronger. This journey has brought us closer together! While I definitely wouldn't want to do it all over again nor wish this upon anyone, I have learned that Erin and I can handle anything if we stick together. We have created an unbreakable bond.
What can men do to support their partners?
Its pretty simple...be there for them! Erin loves when I go to the doctor appointments with her, when I tell her how I feel about the process and when we are a team no matter what the results may be.
What (if anything) has Erin done to support you?
She is the one going through it day in and day out but she asks me how I am feeling and that means alot. Honestly that is all I really need. We go to therapy together and talk about it there too, as a team.
How has it affected your marriage?
As I said above, it has made us closer than we ever have been. I can imagine how this could break people up though. IVF and infertility are very stressful and hard, but this situation can also bring people together and that is what it has done for us as a couple.
What did you do to improve sperm quality?
Luckily mine was OK but I think Erin had me take some additional mens multi vitamins and CoQ10. I also laid off the beer weeks before having to give my sperm.
What advice can you give to couples starting this journey?
Be patient! We thought this was going to be an easy journey when we first started. We thought we would be pregnant after the first round. And yet here we are, almost 3 years later. Also never forget that you are a team. You will both need each other to support one another through all the ups and downs and it's so much harder when one is not on board. Make sure you talk about all of the possibilities, the what if's and the financial burden as well. It's important to be fully transparent with each other and about the process before starting IVF.